Todays lesson can come straight from the meeting room, training session, or practice. We have all seen the meeting agenda where we look for the exciting piece, or maybe even when we might have the chance to get some praise. We become fixated on when that part of the agenda gets met.
When this happens we become anticipatory and neglect the opportunities that lie within what is happening in the present moments. Have you been in a moment like this in a conversation? Have you stopped listening to the other person in hopes to be able to throw out your opinion? Were you anticipating how you were going to prove the other person wrong?
This doesn’t guide the conversation. This only guides the individual conversation you are having in your head! Here are a few ways to help listen better and maybe keep you from anticipating what you think you know is coming next to what possibilities “might” come next.
Practice Patience - You listening to another speak takes self-control and discipline. Strive to be patient and truly sit in their words while you patiently wait.
Silence - Abstaining from anticipating means that you are saying yes to silence. (What I tweeted about the other day). Silence is super hard, but, if you can practice it in your reflections and daily life, you elevate your level of listening.
Be Present - Anticipating means you are looking to the future. Looking to the future means you are not in this moment. You are not locked in and present for yourself or the person you are in dialogue with.
Flip It & Reverse It - Missy Elliot song is playing in my head. In the conversation, flip your attention from yourself to the other person. Recognize the other persons beliefs, words, actions, and how they portray themselves in the moment instead of keeping the focus on how YOU feel.
Question Yourself - Ask yourself these three awesome questions following the conversation. Were you listening or trying to fix it? Be honest with yourself. Were you listening or were you waiting to talk? This takes practice but why not start working on your awareness right now. Were you listening to learn or were you talking to control the conversation? Who was asking questions? Who spoke the most?
As my man Scott Ginsberg says…
Look; Don’t think
Watch; don’t analyze
Discovery; not answers
Curiosity; not judgment
Observe; don’t interpret.
Stop anticipating and start listening.
LISTENING or ANTICIPATING?